for His glory.

chahcachachangessss

itsbeyondme — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 01:00:40 +0000

welp. today i ended my relationship with brian. it was extremely difficult but i know in my heart that it was the right thing to do. i have been praying about this for quite a while and it needed to be done but i am not gonna lie, it hurts a lot..and it sucks. i feel like such an awful person because i feel relieved and most of all, because i hurt someone who i love very much. he seemed okay though, i am sure he is not okay but i know God is taking care of him and that brings me comfort. i just hope with all my heart that he truly seeks God and can just put all his faith, hope, and trust in Him and that he will find his security and identity in Christ. i am gonna take this time to really draw near to the Lord, seek out His will for my life, and allow Him to mold me into the person He created me to be. i think i am gonna take 6 months-1 year off from dating and just truly, wholeheartidly chase after the Lord and be open to whatever He has planned for me! i pray that brian does the same.

i know this was for the best. especially for brian. i pray he can understand that..

pray..

itsbeyondme — Fri, 20 Mar 2009 02:42:55 +0000

i am so stressed. so mad. so frustrated. so hurt.

i cannot even think.

i want to pray but i cant. i cant find the words. all i can do is cry.

why is life so hard all the time?!

i am just so tired of everything, so fed up.

why cant i just love Jesus the way He loves me. worship Him the way He deserves. live for Him the way He asks. serve Him the way i need to. and be joyful. why???????????????

i just want to live for Him. focus on Him. learn from Him. and know Him. thats all i want..and everything i need.

c’est la vie

itsbeyondme — Tue, 03 Mar 2009 15:12:42 +0000

welp..i have been at ocu now since january. at first, i did not really like it too much. i loved the school. i loved that we talk about God in class and that we read the Bible in class. i loved that the professors ask if you have any prayer requests and they genuinely pray for you. i loved chapel. but i did not love the students. i did not feel welcomed nor did i feel the love God around me. for the longest time jo and i only had each other. which i am so extremely grateful for but at the same time it just sucked that no one was loving or welcoming or interested in knowing us at all. whatever. anyhoo..we have friends now..yay! we both started working in the admissions office ((which a ton of fun)) and we made friends there! one of our coworkers, jake, is now one of our dearest friends and he has helped us through A LOT the past few weeks! i cannot describe how blessed i am to have jo jake and jenna as my friends. jenna is a friend that i have known for like, pretty much, forever. and she is now my workout partner!! yay! our friend mike is a personal trainer and he made workouts for us so we can get in shape and look beautiful for summer ((although jenna is already gorgeous!)). so that is super duper exciting..we go to the Y ((i got a membership finally and it was 50% off because i work at ocu..how flippin sweet is that?!?!?)) about 3-5 days a weeks..we want it to be 6 but recently it has only been about 3 or 4ish we are slackers lol. now, on a less happy note..brian and i have decided to take a few weeks apart from each other to really pray about where God is leading us and whether it is God’s will for us to be together as well as really thinking about what we each want out of a relationship and later decide if we think we can meet the needs of the other person. so, although it is a huge bummer, i think this will be really good for us! i just want us both, especially him, to have the person that God created specifically for us and for us to have the kind of person we deserve, whether that means us being together or not. so i dunno, just pray for us..i know i will be praying constantly about this. i just want what is best and fair for him. so yeah, our “relationship” is in God’s hands right now and He can do with it whatever He wants because we just want His will to be done! anyhoo..i have a 14 page paper to write, a presentation to create, and a test to study for so i am outta here! GOD BLESS!!!

*Philippians 4:6-7*

walk..

itsbeyondme — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 19:01:37 +0000

lately i have just felt so stressed, so overwhelmed. i just want to put on some comfy pants, a big hoodie, and some comfy shoes and just walk. walk anywhere, in any direction..walk away from everything, walk away from here. i just want to forget about all the endless amounts of things i need to do and all the endless amounts of things i want to do. i want to forget about my classes, my sorrows, my worries, this world and just be…just be one on one with God. i just want to spend an endless amount of time with Him..get to know Him, talk with Him, figure out what i am supposed to being with my life and what i am doing “wrong”. i just dont wanna be here anymore. anywhere but kent,oh sounds fabulous. i think i just need like a few days all alone by myself..no cell phone, no computer, no tv, no friends, no family, no responsibilites, no thoughts, no worries, no stress..just me and God. i do not know why i feel this way. i do not even know why i am stressed. i mean yeah, i have a ton to do but i dont even care about it anymore so why does it matter? it shouldnt matter right? well apparently it does.

so i decided as a way to get my mind a little clearer i would make a list of like 5ish things that i am truly greatful for and take make me smile.

1) the end of the semester. woo! today was my last day of classes. then i have finals monday-wednesday and i will be done at kent state university (thank God) and i will be coming home and preparing to start classes at Ohio Christian University this spring!! yay!

2) my family. brian. my friends. i dont even know what to say about them. they are just so awesome and i love them so much and miss them like crazy! and i am so excited to go home and get to spend time with everyone back home but am also so bummed to leave everyone from kent..

3) Twilight. i saw the movie last week and it was AMAZING! and now i am almost finished with the first book and let me tell you, it is even more AMAZING than the movie! i cannot put it down. usually i am not the type of person to finish a book let alone a book about vampires..but it is sooo extremely intriguing that i cannot stop. i think i really enjoy it because it takes my mind away from this craziness i call life and i float off to Forks, WA and i just escape. plus, have you seen edward?! (gasp) he is pretty nice to look at in the movie but the book describes him so much more beautifully! plus the opening page is scripture..Genesis 2:17! major props to Stephanie Meyer..job well done!

4) The apostle Paul. and James. and Peter etc…all the authors of the new testament have just been such a blessing in my life lately..i mean they (along with the old testament authors) are always a blessing to my life but lately i have just been reading things that truly make sense and truly help me..i mean the Bible always helps me and usually makes sense but lately the stuff i randomly decide to read just fits my life right now which is just super amazing! God is great!

5) CHRISTMAS! i just looooooove Christmas! i love that during this time of year, whether they realize it or not, everyone is celebrating Jesus and worshipping Him! and i just think that is so awesome! i mean think about it..almost every radio station is playing Christmas music and every commercial is Christmas oriented and has Christmas music playing in the background and everyone sings along and without even realizing it, they are worshipping God!! amazing right?! oh! how i love Christmas time! and i love Jesus even more of course..but then again He is the reason we celebrate Christmas!

::love::

*Matthew 1:23*

Life gets crazy and painful..

itsbeyondme — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 18:49:47 +0000

Worship.

Believe me, I understand that life is hard and crazy and sometimes it hurts but we have to remember, it is not about us, it is about Him. He wants your worship, He deserves your worship, He deserves your all..give it to Him! Every minute of every day..Give Him the glory, give Him the craziness, the pain, the struggles, He is there for you and me to help, to guide, and to heal. He wants you, all of you. When you worship Jesus, forget about your life, your struggles, your pain, your confusion..forget about you..forget about the band, the guitars, the vocals, forget about whether this is your favorite song or if you dont even know the song..forget about the world around you..and focus on HIM, worship HIM, love HIM, and glorify HIM.

Worship. It’s about giving our lives (again) to God.

Revelation 5:6-14..the ultimate worship service..in Heaven.

Psalm 34:9 Worship God if you want the best; worship opens doors to all His goodness.

update on life.

itsbeyondme — Wed, 22 Oct 2008 17:28:19 +0000

Pumpkin show was last weekend

I hung out with jo, tiffany, jake, brian and tori..and little with matt and jaclyn..it was a greeeeeat time.

I didnt get to hang out with jo as much as I wanted though

Thus far this week, I have taken two tests..cost control analysis yesterday and accounting today..I am pretty sure I failed accounting..

In Bible study last night we read Ephesians 2:11-22 and discussed how Christ has made it possible for us to have peace in our humanly relationships with friends, family, and “enemies”…I think it went really well..the girls seemed really into it so I hope they really learned a lot and something from last night really touched their hearts and they put it into action..

My roomie is really goin thru a tough time right now and I really am not sure how to help her anymore because yesterday she told me that she was gonna believe whatever she wanted to believe despite what I tell her..so I am at a complete loss and not sure what to do except continue to pray for her like I have done atleast 2-3 times a day for the past year..maybe one day she will truly trust God with her life and realize that He is the source of all happiness..maybe, atleast I hope she will..my heart aches for her..

Tonight is another Bible study and Katie ((my leader)) said that her and Heather ((my other leader)) are gonna start teachin some deeper stuff tonight so I am totally 100% PUMPED for tonight!!!!

um..I am cutting my hair tomorrow..well not me but my new friend Karli who is a beautician..i am excited and nervous..she has cute hair..so hopefully she can make mine cute too

I am gonna meet with Tonya tomorrow like I usually do before the Dive but we are gonna meet extra early so that we have more time to talk so i am excited for that because I loooooove to talk with her..she helps me A LOT with my life and with my relationship with God and friends/bf..plus she is super fun!!!

tomorrow night is the Dive..i dunno who is talkin or what he/she is talkin about.. :/

And Friday I am going to comparative religious thought and then I am going HOME!! I have an important doctors appt in grove city and then i am gonna shop a little bit at Target ((I loooove that store)) to hopefully buy a new jacket and a pair of shoes to match my cute dress that I am wearing to brians cousins wedding saturday!!

then back to school on sunday..

that is my quick update..boring I know..sorry my life is not too eventful..but i like it ((for the most part)).

oh and i am tryin really hard to get to know God better thru every moment of every day so that i can glorify Him every moment of every day!

–love–

AHHHHHHHH!!!

itsbeyondme — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 17:35:14 +0000

AHHHHHHHHHHH! So, my human communication professor JUST informed us that we have a 10 minute persuasive speech due on MONDAY October 20!! For those of you who cant count..that is FIVE DAYS!!! Five days to pick a topic, get the topic approved, research, find NINE sources, write the speech, make an outline, make a powerpoint presentation, practice the speech, and then record the speech!!!!!!!!! But the best part is…this is only the deadline for people whose last names are A-G….if you are S-Z you get until the second week of NOVEMBER!!! hmm..I get 5 days, they get almost month..fair?! NOOOOO! but then again, life isnt fair..so I must suck it up, and move on…as my mother would say “such is life”

welp..i have A LOT of work to do…pray that i dont throw somethin heavy at Ms. Hall….byyyyyyyye..

..life..

itsbeyondme — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 17:50:47 +0000

Welp..I am in Jazzmans chillin and tryin to work on my Bible Study for tonight but people are RUDE and do not know how to shut up!! There is this hispanic group (a couple boys and one REALLY loud girl) who are sittin in the booth next to me and they are have the dirtiest most unnecessary conversation using profanity every other word as loud as they possibly can..there are 5 other booths and 5 tables filled with people quietly studying or socializing and these people are screaming..it is so frustrating..i can barely concentrate. The girl has the most terrrible laugh I have ever heard and it hurts my ears.

ok enough complaining..I need to stop that..It’s not about me remember..

Anyhoo..last week was crazy busy! But I went to the Dusty for the time and it was sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo fun!! The Dusty is a country-western bar and they play nothing but country music and everyone linedances!! It is so fun. Wed is college night and the Dive goes and it was one of the greatest times I have ever had..minus the giant black Xs that stayed on my hand till saturday haha and then at the Dive on thursday Eric St. Jean spoke about Jesus and it was one of the greatest talks i have heard at the dive..it was AMAZING!! everyone should go to www.thedive.org and click on podcasts and listen to it becasue it is great..it may not be as good if you werent there..I dunno..Then Jayme came to visit for the weekend. We cheered on the hockey team friday night and they lost, then we cheered on the football team saturday afternoon and they lost, and then we cheered on the volleyball team saturday night and they lost..so basically kent state sports are strugglin..haha..but it was fun anyway! Then mom, aunt peg, and ben came up sunday to pick up jayme..it was nice to see them!

So..yeah..have I mentioned that I am SUPER PUMPED for this week!?! This week I am going to the Dusty again on wednesday and then the Dive on thursday and then tori and I are going to Circleville for the PUMPKIN SHOW!!!!!!! YAYYYY!! and the best part……I get to see JO and MARC!!!! YIPPIE ..and Brian too ..I miss him <3

Anyhoo thats my life..I know its boring but it is what it is..

God is teaching me a lot but I will save that for later…

..God Bless yall..

Why is it so hard?!

itsbeyondme — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 18:07:25 +0000

Why is it so hard for people to believe and understand and accept the wonderful truths and the free gift of grace that God has given us through Jesus?? Yet it was the easiest thing I have ever done. And why is it so easy for them to deny or shut down everything you tell them about God? Why is it so easy to pray and pray and pray for someone for over a year but it is so hard to see almost no progression in their life? I mean obviously God is working in their life or else they wouldnt be going to Bible studies and the Dive and they wouldnt be asking questions but why is so hard for them just to accept it? Why is it so hard not to cry everytime they do deny what the Bible is telling or what you are telling them about God? Why do they just not get it! God is soooo amazing and interesting and changes your life in ways you never thought were imaginable and He has this great plan for all of us and anyone can be happy simply by accepting Him into their life and yet, it is so hard for people do so…HELLO! You dont have to do anything!! All you have to do is ask Jesus into your life and acknowledge that He died for you..the rest is done!! There arent hundreds of thousands of rules to follow and if you mess up you arent going to go to hell..no…God will fix it and God will help you through it…you dont have to do or pay anything!!!!!!!!!…its already been done…its already been paid!!! and you dont deserve it at all!! How much sweeter does it get?!?!?!?!?! Why is it so hard to keep your confidence in God that He is working miracles in the lives of your loved ones when you see them deny and question everything that is said about God?? Why is it so hard to understand? Why is it so hard to not give up? Why is it so hard to keep praying for that person and know that they will eventually get it? Why is it so hard not to cry…

All I want is for you (and what God wants for you) is to know God..for you to know God’s love and God’s character..to know what He has done for you and that you have done nothing to deserve it..and to know how happy you can be simply by asking Him into your life…but its not about what I want…or what God wants I guess…its about what you want….I cant change your heart or your mind….God can change your heart..but you have to change your mind..

Why is it so hard…

yeeeeeeah God!

itsbeyondme — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 20:54:28 +0000

Sooo, I am chillin in Jazzman’s with Tori and Sara which is pretty typical. However, I came down here to work on my Bible study for tonight..but am not succeeding because I became preoccupied with reading Joanna’s blog on wordpress (I LOVE reading her blog) and it really inspired me to sign up for one too!

This past weekend was the Dive’s (Kent’s chapter of Campus Crusade for Christ) Fall Retreat and I was on the planning team for so this weekend was loooooooong awaited! It was definitely worth the $80! Grant Scott (Regional director of Crusade) spoke to us from Ephesians and explained how “It’s not about us” but it “is about God, others, and the body of Christ”. Everything Grant said really got me thinking..which is probably why I have not been able to focus on ANYTHING this week..but yeah..it really hit me hard! we are so selfish..way more than we than we actually realize and it is extremely difficult..almost impossible if you will..to have a relationship with God if we are only concerned with ourselves and what knowledge we can gain from attending church and youth group and the dive or cru and from reading the Bible…how can you truly know God and have a relationship with Him when you are trying to gain knowledge for yourself? When we attend these things and spend time with God thru reading or quiet time we should strive to learn as much as we can not about Christianity or the Bible but about GOD!! if we strive to know God then everything else will fall into place! So, every morning from now on I am going to ask God in prayers to help me remove myself from the picture so that I may learn everything I can about Him and His character!! I mean He already knows everything there is to know about me..why dont I try to know everything I can about Him? I mean what kind of a relationship or friendship is it if one person knows the other inside and out but the other person only knows bits and pieces about that person…NOT a good relationship at all..and not fair to God! He has done so much for me and I suck at doing things for Him! So that is my challenge, do EVERYTHING for Him..in order to know Him and His character better and then to serve Him in all I do…in every encounter and everything situation.

Yesterday, Katie (my Bible study leader) made (well not made..but asked..)me to go with her to talk with this random girl about God. And I am gonna be honest, I did not want to..well I did but I didnt..if that makes sense. I was nervous beyond belief but deep down I knew it wasnt about me or what i said at all..it was about God and doing what He has called us to do…spread His love to EVERYONE! Katie just walks up to this girl and is like “Hi I am katie. can we sit with you?” and the girl seemed very weirded out but in the end it was GRRREEEAAATTT!!! Because God is GGGGRRREEEAATT!! Carissa (the girl we sat with) actually had a lot to say about God and Christianity and even had some questions and..the best part…….she wants to meet again to talk more and maybe attend the Dive with us sometime!! She was great!! God is awesome! I am so glad that katie talked me into doing that…I really need to stop worrying about myself and looking stupid (there i go again..bein selfish) because God will always provide and whether I feel like it went well or i feel like it went terribly atleast whoever I am talking to heard about God and His amazing Love and that will always be in their mind and God will use that to work in them…YEAH GOD!! He is truly indescribibly amazing!!

Anyhoo..I need to work on my study so that I can talk to my girls about Experiencing God’s Grace Everyday!! I love this blogging thing…thanks Jo..love ya!

..All for God..